I just had this thought. Or I thought it while I was writing the first post but just did not articulate it. Belonging may seem like it is about fitting in with a certain group of people but real belonging is more about accepting yourself. Because if you accept yourself then you will "belong" anywhere. However, before you can accept yourself you must know who you are. So ... Who are you? What's your name? When you look in the mirror do you fully accept the person that stares back? The person that has flaws; the person that makes mistakes. If you can truly accept yourself then what would stop you from accepting others?
How are you creating a space of belonging for others?
UPDATE: I just found this video as I was searching for other songs by Ellis on youtube. But I just love this song now and it seems to fit with my most recent posts.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Love and Belonging
Last summer I read two books by Marisa de los Santos, Love Walked In and Belong to Me. To this day, I still love and remember the messages of those two books. You don't always find love where you think you will and belonging is something we continually search for as we enter each phase of life.
Have you found where you belong? What have you been searching for? Where have you looked?
I believe that as we search for love and belonging we will find ourselves. Or I suppose that as we look for ourselves we will find love and belonging. For many people, their immediate family and home may be the place they first find love and belonging. But equally, I'm sure, people find nothing resembling love or belonging and leave their home environment to find it elsewhere. The entire book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert is written on finding just those things in three very different places. In her case, it was a love of life that she found and the spirit of belonging wherever you reside. In talking with many college students and being one myself, it seems that finding belonging is their/our ultimate goal. They are usually searching for their place in the world. For quite awhile, I connected to Taylor Swift's song "A place in this world." I didn't know what I wanted. I felt alone and on my own in figuring it out. I was "just a girl trying to find a place in this world." And for awhile I didn't feel like I was really doing anything or going anywhere. There was no progress just life. But now I know where I want to go and it is just a matter of getting there. Of course sometimes a step forward comes with a step back but as long as there is forward momentum I am hopeful that things will continue to work out.
I feel like I have bounced around a lot on where it is that I belong. Is it with this certian group of friends? How about these people over here or those people over there? In my search, I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned where I don't belong but am still hesitant about where I do belong.
23 Things I have learned in my 23 years:
1. Sleep is important and getting too much is just as bad as getting too little.
2. Worrying about the small stuff is not a productive use of time.
3. It is important to indulge your inner child and experience that child like joy once in a while.
4. Spend time with those you love.
5. Find something that relaxes you and do it often.
6. Everyone is different but it doesn't mean you can't get along.
7. Make sure to send Thank You's.
8. Being organized is not about subscribing to the popular notion of organization.
9. Be early or ON TIME.
10. Find something you like about yourself everyday.
11. Learn how to say no ... politely.
12. Set aside time for quiet reflection.
13. Spread Joy whenever you can ... it all starts with a smile.
14. In most cases, reading a book is better than watching a movie.
15. You are probably a feminist and don't even know it.
16. Take time to enjoy nature and its beauty. When was the last time you looked at the stars?
17. Make sure to set your privacy settings on social networking sites.
18. Exercise.
19. Be willing to change but not for someone else's sake.
20. Believe in yourself and anything will be possible.
21. Adopt a pet from your local shelter.
22. When you figure out your passion, find a way to turn it into your job.
23. It is easy to let others depend on you but hard to give up control to others .... but trust is one of the most rewarding things... try it.
Why are you looking in so many places and not just within yourself?
"I have looked and not found myself in wrong places, spaces, ideas. You do not reside in other people, classes, groups. True identity comes from within and that is found right where you are, right where you sit, right where you live. " Part of a poem from 2008
Have you found where you belong? What have you been searching for? Where have you looked?
I believe that as we search for love and belonging we will find ourselves. Or I suppose that as we look for ourselves we will find love and belonging. For many people, their immediate family and home may be the place they first find love and belonging. But equally, I'm sure, people find nothing resembling love or belonging and leave their home environment to find it elsewhere. The entire book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert is written on finding just those things in three very different places. In her case, it was a love of life that she found and the spirit of belonging wherever you reside. In talking with many college students and being one myself, it seems that finding belonging is their/our ultimate goal. They are usually searching for their place in the world. For quite awhile, I connected to Taylor Swift's song "A place in this world." I didn't know what I wanted. I felt alone and on my own in figuring it out. I was "just a girl trying to find a place in this world." And for awhile I didn't feel like I was really doing anything or going anywhere. There was no progress just life. But now I know where I want to go and it is just a matter of getting there. Of course sometimes a step forward comes with a step back but as long as there is forward momentum I am hopeful that things will continue to work out.
I feel like I have bounced around a lot on where it is that I belong. Is it with this certian group of friends? How about these people over here or those people over there? In my search, I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned where I don't belong but am still hesitant about where I do belong.
23 Things I have learned in my 23 years:
1. Sleep is important and getting too much is just as bad as getting too little.
2. Worrying about the small stuff is not a productive use of time.
3. It is important to indulge your inner child and experience that child like joy once in a while.
4. Spend time with those you love.
5. Find something that relaxes you and do it often.
6. Everyone is different but it doesn't mean you can't get along.
7. Make sure to send Thank You's.
8. Being organized is not about subscribing to the popular notion of organization.
9. Be early or ON TIME.
10. Find something you like about yourself everyday.
11. Learn how to say no ... politely.
12. Set aside time for quiet reflection.
13. Spread Joy whenever you can ... it all starts with a smile.
14. In most cases, reading a book is better than watching a movie.
15. You are probably a feminist and don't even know it.
16. Take time to enjoy nature and its beauty. When was the last time you looked at the stars?
17. Make sure to set your privacy settings on social networking sites.
18. Exercise.
19. Be willing to change but not for someone else's sake.
20. Believe in yourself and anything will be possible.
21. Adopt a pet from your local shelter.
22. When you figure out your passion, find a way to turn it into your job.
23. It is easy to let others depend on you but hard to give up control to others .... but trust is one of the most rewarding things... try it.
Why are you looking in so many places and not just within yourself?
"I have looked and not found myself in wrong places, spaces, ideas. You do not reside in other people, classes, groups. True identity comes from within and that is found right where you are, right where you sit, right where you live. " Part of a poem from 2008
Labels
Obviously, I am a very liberal person. I dislike identifying as a christian because of how others tend to lump that into being a part of the "religious right" or part of the conservative political party. And it annoys me to no end when a friend starts using scare quotes to talk about my beliefs. But it is all part of the label system. If I identify with any one thing, a label can and will be applied to me whether I want to use it or not. Then certain assumptions end up being made and are referenced to personal experiences.
Labels are really amazing if you think about it. Some extremely organized people may meticulously label everything; others of us organizationally challenged may be extremely satisfied just to know where our stuff is. I rather like the pile method. There are different piles and I know what each is and where to find things. I don't need to actually label them as I know what is there. However, when I try to explain to another person, then I will have to simplify that pile into one or a few words. It is helpful to simplify which is why labels are so popular. And yet I extremely dislike them. Labels when applied to people usually are used to identify one aspect of their identity as it relates to part of a subgroup of some sort. You can label your sex, gender, relationship status, education, ethnicity, race, socioeconomic status, political affiliation, religious beliefs, sexual identity and so much more. You could label what kind of music, movies, books or food that you like or prefer.
When I was in the 9th or 10th grade I wrote a journal entry all about labels. I was unaware at the time that it would become such a part of my life; my dislike of labels. We are so much more than our simplifications yet that is how we know people. I very consistently use labels to understand people. I know I put people into categories ... the conservative christian, the socialist atheist, the liberal christian pluralist, or the radical feminist. At the same time labels may make our lives easier the amount of times that people deviate from their labels makes it more complicating than anything else.
There are many labels people may apply to my life but I always feel like I deviate enough from the norm of that label to null and void its use. The only label that seems to fit regardless is feminist.
However, I suppose a list for myself could go something like ... female, daughter, sister, student, smart, Portuguese, niece, cousin, granddaughter, single, college graduate, white, middle-classed, democrat, feminist, social activist, liberal christian, blogger, photographer, artist, writer, ally.
Are you more than the labels assigned to you? What labels have you applied to others? What labels do you use to simplify yourself?
Labels are really amazing if you think about it. Some extremely organized people may meticulously label everything; others of us organizationally challenged may be extremely satisfied just to know where our stuff is. I rather like the pile method. There are different piles and I know what each is and where to find things. I don't need to actually label them as I know what is there. However, when I try to explain to another person, then I will have to simplify that pile into one or a few words. It is helpful to simplify which is why labels are so popular. And yet I extremely dislike them. Labels when applied to people usually are used to identify one aspect of their identity as it relates to part of a subgroup of some sort. You can label your sex, gender, relationship status, education, ethnicity, race, socioeconomic status, political affiliation, religious beliefs, sexual identity and so much more. You could label what kind of music, movies, books or food that you like or prefer.
When I was in the 9th or 10th grade I wrote a journal entry all about labels. I was unaware at the time that it would become such a part of my life; my dislike of labels. We are so much more than our simplifications yet that is how we know people. I very consistently use labels to understand people. I know I put people into categories ... the conservative christian, the socialist atheist, the liberal christian pluralist, or the radical feminist. At the same time labels may make our lives easier the amount of times that people deviate from their labels makes it more complicating than anything else.
There are many labels people may apply to my life but I always feel like I deviate enough from the norm of that label to null and void its use. The only label that seems to fit regardless is feminist.
However, I suppose a list for myself could go something like ... female, daughter, sister, student, smart, Portuguese, niece, cousin, granddaughter, single, college graduate, white, middle-classed, democrat, feminist, social activist, liberal christian, blogger, photographer, artist, writer, ally.
Are you more than the labels assigned to you? What labels have you applied to others? What labels do you use to simplify yourself?
Monday, July 19, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Investigating
About four months ago, I was interested in determining how various churches handled the "gay question." Some churches post it right on their website while others require a bit more investigating. I emailed a few pastors and got some interesting and different answers. You would probably be surprised at the variation I received within a single church but maybe not.
I also looked at the passages commonly used or referenced in relation to homosexuality in multiple translations of the Bible. There are only a few and what they say seems to vary based on the translation. Some translations have decided to use the word homosexual but is it justified in those locations? I don't think the specific passages really say anything specific about people who are in loving relationships with people of the same sex. They may say something about an actual sexual act. But what was meant by those words? I think that many of the passages are very specific to the time period and place they were written for and to compare it to today's definition of being gay is absurd. But it is all up for interpretation and every church and person aptly has their own. And mostly I am okay with that. Diversity is a beautiful thing and productive conversations are great. What I am not okay with is people that turn around and use their belief and/or interpretation to stop others who have a different belief and/or interpretation from their pursuit of happiness. What is the standard for an accepted belief? Is it majority wins?
I learned from my small and potentially expanding investigation that most churches that are actually welcome to having LGBTQQIAAP people fully participate in the church are the ones that post something on their websites. Those churches that say nothing. Or have vague statements of accepting everyone usually have a "Don't ask; Don't tell" policy when it comes to being LGBT because it won't be a big deal if nobody knows. (Cough .. Cough... HETERNORMATIVITY!!)
How can churches/denominations of Christianity prescribe to the same god, use the same book and end up with such differing views? And why are these hot button political issues such a big deal?
Personal Note: I posted something similar to this at the end of last week .... but I was not satisfied with its incompleteness and choose to edit it down for content. This is in no way a complete answer as I could go into specifics on the verses or how different denominations hold different beliefs on this issue. I choose not to include that because I don't want to get into a debate about specific things people interpret differently. I am not using this post to say anything specific about the churches I spoke with. Even if you ask, I won't tell you which churches or denominations I did speak with suffice it to say I spoke with multiple. The last questions are really meant to be rhetorical because I know the answers I just wanted to ask them.
I also looked at the passages commonly used or referenced in relation to homosexuality in multiple translations of the Bible. There are only a few and what they say seems to vary based on the translation. Some translations have decided to use the word homosexual but is it justified in those locations? I don't think the specific passages really say anything specific about people who are in loving relationships with people of the same sex. They may say something about an actual sexual act. But what was meant by those words? I think that many of the passages are very specific to the time period and place they were written for and to compare it to today's definition of being gay is absurd. But it is all up for interpretation and every church and person aptly has their own. And mostly I am okay with that. Diversity is a beautiful thing and productive conversations are great. What I am not okay with is people that turn around and use their belief and/or interpretation to stop others who have a different belief and/or interpretation from their pursuit of happiness. What is the standard for an accepted belief? Is it majority wins?
I learned from my small and potentially expanding investigation that most churches that are actually welcome to having LGBTQQIAAP people fully participate in the church are the ones that post something on their websites. Those churches that say nothing. Or have vague statements of accepting everyone usually have a "Don't ask; Don't tell" policy when it comes to being LGBT because it won't be a big deal if nobody knows. (Cough .. Cough... HETERNORMATIVITY!!)
How can churches/denominations of Christianity prescribe to the same god, use the same book and end up with such differing views? And why are these hot button political issues such a big deal?
Personal Note: I posted something similar to this at the end of last week .... but I was not satisfied with its incompleteness and choose to edit it down for content. This is in no way a complete answer as I could go into specifics on the verses or how different denominations hold different beliefs on this issue. I choose not to include that because I don't want to get into a debate about specific things people interpret differently. I am not using this post to say anything specific about the churches I spoke with. Even if you ask, I won't tell you which churches or denominations I did speak with suffice it to say I spoke with multiple. The last questions are really meant to be rhetorical because I know the answers I just wanted to ask them.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Listen and fall in LOVE with Jenna Lindbo
I still fondly remember the day we spent getting coffee and then jamming in Washington Square Park in New York City. She had her guitar and I had my journal. As she sang out for all to hear, I played along tapping out a beat on my journal. Random people stopped to tell her how great she was. It was such a great day! In fact it was the fourth of July and my last full day in NYC. The day would be completed with a cruise to watch the Macy fireworks, getting true New York Pizza with Jess and her mom and then taking the subway back to our dorms and running in the drenching rain huddled under one umbrella while stopping to get food for Sara.
One day long after that trip, I found myself humming a song. Finally, I figured out that it was a song that Jenna had played and I recorded on my camera. Although it was not one of her original songs, the "remember me" lyrics of Iron and Wine's The Trapeze Swinger was really amazing to listen to at least the part I recorded.
Since that time, I have followed Jenna's music, after she started pursuing it, and was absolutely thrilled to learn of her CD coming out soon. I can't wait to get one. Below are some of my other favorite songs.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Is this my song?
There are two songs that have been my favorite christian songs for four or five years and when I hear them, they can take me back to when I first discovered them when I first went to a christian youth group. The two songs are Audience of One and O Praise Him. I can remember listening to Audience of One on repeat for such a long long time. Here are some lyrics ...
I come on my knees
To lay down before you
Bringing all that I am
Longing only to know you
Seeking your face
And not only your hand
I find you embracing me
Just as I am
I think what I liked so much about Audience of One was the acceptance in the words, "I find you embracing me - Just as I am." And that is after "bringing all that I am." I think those are the words that many churches could learn a lesson from. For example: a church that I have gone to, I could not become a member of. I am excluded from that title and group, not that I would want to be a part of it anyway. And it is all because I don't "[adhere] to [the] standard [that] should be the norm for a follower of Christ." That is what in their opinion is the "norm" for a follower of Christ. Or what they think "should be" the norm.
However, all churches seem to have a different opinion of exactly what the "norm" is for a follower of Christ. When I was in middle school, I underwent a mission to try to define "normal." I asked friends, family, and random people in chat rooms on the Internet. I engaged in some really awesome discussions and some that lacked maturity. My findings confirmed that normal really depends on who you ask and varies based on the individual characteristics of the person answering the question. So it goes without saying that churches will vary their definition of the "norm for a follower of Christ" based on their own individual characteristics.
Of course all this begs the question, Jessica why on earth are you going to a church that would exclude you from their definition of the norm when there are so many churches that would actually accept you and all that you bring? And my answer is that I don't go to church for other people. Sure, I could find a church that lines up more closely with my own beliefs and sometime in the future I may go to one, but I go to church to worship and god embraces me just as I am after knowing all that I bring god embraces other people after knowing all that they bring. As different as my beliefs may be from other church goers, ultimately we are all there for the same reason.
I think the true "norm" for a follower of Christ can and should be found in the lyrics of this song. Can't we just embrace people for who they are?
I come on my knees
To lay down before you
Bringing all that I am
Longing only to know you
Seeking your face
And not only your hand
I find you embracing me
Just as I am
I think what I liked so much about Audience of One was the acceptance in the words, "I find you embracing me - Just as I am." And that is after "bringing all that I am." I think those are the words that many churches could learn a lesson from. For example: a church that I have gone to, I could not become a member of. I am excluded from that title and group, not that I would want to be a part of it anyway. And it is all because I don't "[adhere] to [the] standard [that] should be the norm for a follower of Christ." That is what in their opinion is the "norm" for a follower of Christ. Or what they think "should be" the norm.
However, all churches seem to have a different opinion of exactly what the "norm" is for a follower of Christ. When I was in middle school, I underwent a mission to try to define "normal." I asked friends, family, and random people in chat rooms on the Internet. I engaged in some really awesome discussions and some that lacked maturity. My findings confirmed that normal really depends on who you ask and varies based on the individual characteristics of the person answering the question. So it goes without saying that churches will vary their definition of the "norm for a follower of Christ" based on their own individual characteristics.
Of course all this begs the question, Jessica why on earth are you going to a church that would exclude you from their definition of the norm when there are so many churches that would actually accept you and all that you bring? And my answer is that I don't go to church for other people. Sure, I could find a church that lines up more closely with my own beliefs and sometime in the future I may go to one, but I go to church to worship and god embraces me just as I am after knowing all that I bring god embraces other people after knowing all that they bring. As different as my beliefs may be from other church goers, ultimately we are all there for the same reason.
I think the true "norm" for a follower of Christ can and should be found in the lyrics of this song. Can't we just embrace people for who they are?
And I say that, knowing that I don't like how the language of a "norm" will always exclude somebody. Because the language of a norm or normal implies that some will not fit into that model. And having experienced the view from the margin, I would hate to marginalize anyone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)