Do Does Did
I Me You
Fit Belong ?
I thought I found a place where I was able to fit or belong. But really everyday since that time I have felt distant, not a member of the group. What has changed? How have I changed? How have I created the distance that separates us?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Belonging Part 2
I just had this thought. Or I thought it while I was writing the first post but just did not articulate it. Belonging may seem like it is about fitting in with a certain group of people but real belonging is more about accepting yourself. Because if you accept yourself then you will "belong" anywhere. However, before you can accept yourself you must know who you are. So ... Who are you? What's your name? When you look in the mirror do you fully accept the person that stares back? The person that has flaws; the person that makes mistakes. If you can truly accept yourself then what would stop you from accepting others?
How are you creating a space of belonging for others?
UPDATE: I just found this video as I was searching for other songs by Ellis on youtube. But I just love this song now and it seems to fit with my most recent posts.
How are you creating a space of belonging for others?
UPDATE: I just found this video as I was searching for other songs by Ellis on youtube. But I just love this song now and it seems to fit with my most recent posts.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Love and Belonging
Last summer I read two books by Marisa de los Santos, Love Walked In and Belong to Me. To this day, I still love and remember the messages of those two books. You don't always find love where you think you will and belonging is something we continually search for as we enter each phase of life.
Have you found where you belong? What have you been searching for? Where have you looked?
I believe that as we search for love and belonging we will find ourselves. Or I suppose that as we look for ourselves we will find love and belonging. For many people, their immediate family and home may be the place they first find love and belonging. But equally, I'm sure, people find nothing resembling love or belonging and leave their home environment to find it elsewhere. The entire book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert is written on finding just those things in three very different places. In her case, it was a love of life that she found and the spirit of belonging wherever you reside. In talking with many college students and being one myself, it seems that finding belonging is their/our ultimate goal. They are usually searching for their place in the world. For quite awhile, I connected to Taylor Swift's song "A place in this world." I didn't know what I wanted. I felt alone and on my own in figuring it out. I was "just a girl trying to find a place in this world." And for awhile I didn't feel like I was really doing anything or going anywhere. There was no progress just life. But now I know where I want to go and it is just a matter of getting there. Of course sometimes a step forward comes with a step back but as long as there is forward momentum I am hopeful that things will continue to work out.
I feel like I have bounced around a lot on where it is that I belong. Is it with this certian group of friends? How about these people over here or those people over there? In my search, I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned where I don't belong but am still hesitant about where I do belong.
23 Things I have learned in my 23 years:
1. Sleep is important and getting too much is just as bad as getting too little.
2. Worrying about the small stuff is not a productive use of time.
3. It is important to indulge your inner child and experience that child like joy once in a while.
4. Spend time with those you love.
5. Find something that relaxes you and do it often.
6. Everyone is different but it doesn't mean you can't get along.
7. Make sure to send Thank You's.
8. Being organized is not about subscribing to the popular notion of organization.
9. Be early or ON TIME.
10. Find something you like about yourself everyday.
11. Learn how to say no ... politely.
12. Set aside time for quiet reflection.
13. Spread Joy whenever you can ... it all starts with a smile.
14. In most cases, reading a book is better than watching a movie.
15. You are probably a feminist and don't even know it.
16. Take time to enjoy nature and its beauty. When was the last time you looked at the stars?
17. Make sure to set your privacy settings on social networking sites.
18. Exercise.
19. Be willing to change but not for someone else's sake.
20. Believe in yourself and anything will be possible.
21. Adopt a pet from your local shelter.
22. When you figure out your passion, find a way to turn it into your job.
23. It is easy to let others depend on you but hard to give up control to others .... but trust is one of the most rewarding things... try it.
Why are you looking in so many places and not just within yourself?
"I have looked and not found myself in wrong places, spaces, ideas. You do not reside in other people, classes, groups. True identity comes from within and that is found right where you are, right where you sit, right where you live. " Part of a poem from 2008
Have you found where you belong? What have you been searching for? Where have you looked?
I believe that as we search for love and belonging we will find ourselves. Or I suppose that as we look for ourselves we will find love and belonging. For many people, their immediate family and home may be the place they first find love and belonging. But equally, I'm sure, people find nothing resembling love or belonging and leave their home environment to find it elsewhere. The entire book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert is written on finding just those things in three very different places. In her case, it was a love of life that she found and the spirit of belonging wherever you reside. In talking with many college students and being one myself, it seems that finding belonging is their/our ultimate goal. They are usually searching for their place in the world. For quite awhile, I connected to Taylor Swift's song "A place in this world." I didn't know what I wanted. I felt alone and on my own in figuring it out. I was "just a girl trying to find a place in this world." And for awhile I didn't feel like I was really doing anything or going anywhere. There was no progress just life. But now I know where I want to go and it is just a matter of getting there. Of course sometimes a step forward comes with a step back but as long as there is forward momentum I am hopeful that things will continue to work out.
I feel like I have bounced around a lot on where it is that I belong. Is it with this certian group of friends? How about these people over here or those people over there? In my search, I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned where I don't belong but am still hesitant about where I do belong.
23 Things I have learned in my 23 years:
1. Sleep is important and getting too much is just as bad as getting too little.
2. Worrying about the small stuff is not a productive use of time.
3. It is important to indulge your inner child and experience that child like joy once in a while.
4. Spend time with those you love.
5. Find something that relaxes you and do it often.
6. Everyone is different but it doesn't mean you can't get along.
7. Make sure to send Thank You's.
8. Being organized is not about subscribing to the popular notion of organization.
9. Be early or ON TIME.
10. Find something you like about yourself everyday.
11. Learn how to say no ... politely.
12. Set aside time for quiet reflection.
13. Spread Joy whenever you can ... it all starts with a smile.
14. In most cases, reading a book is better than watching a movie.
15. You are probably a feminist and don't even know it.
16. Take time to enjoy nature and its beauty. When was the last time you looked at the stars?
17. Make sure to set your privacy settings on social networking sites.
18. Exercise.
19. Be willing to change but not for someone else's sake.
20. Believe in yourself and anything will be possible.
21. Adopt a pet from your local shelter.
22. When you figure out your passion, find a way to turn it into your job.
23. It is easy to let others depend on you but hard to give up control to others .... but trust is one of the most rewarding things... try it.
Why are you looking in so many places and not just within yourself?
"I have looked and not found myself in wrong places, spaces, ideas. You do not reside in other people, classes, groups. True identity comes from within and that is found right where you are, right where you sit, right where you live. " Part of a poem from 2008
Labels
Obviously, I am a very liberal person. I dislike identifying as a christian because of how others tend to lump that into being a part of the "religious right" or part of the conservative political party. And it annoys me to no end when a friend starts using scare quotes to talk about my beliefs. But it is all part of the label system. If I identify with any one thing, a label can and will be applied to me whether I want to use it or not. Then certain assumptions end up being made and are referenced to personal experiences.
Labels are really amazing if you think about it. Some extremely organized people may meticulously label everything; others of us organizationally challenged may be extremely satisfied just to know where our stuff is. I rather like the pile method. There are different piles and I know what each is and where to find things. I don't need to actually label them as I know what is there. However, when I try to explain to another person, then I will have to simplify that pile into one or a few words. It is helpful to simplify which is why labels are so popular. And yet I extremely dislike them. Labels when applied to people usually are used to identify one aspect of their identity as it relates to part of a subgroup of some sort. You can label your sex, gender, relationship status, education, ethnicity, race, socioeconomic status, political affiliation, religious beliefs, sexual identity and so much more. You could label what kind of music, movies, books or food that you like or prefer.
When I was in the 9th or 10th grade I wrote a journal entry all about labels. I was unaware at the time that it would become such a part of my life; my dislike of labels. We are so much more than our simplifications yet that is how we know people. I very consistently use labels to understand people. I know I put people into categories ... the conservative christian, the socialist atheist, the liberal christian pluralist, or the radical feminist. At the same time labels may make our lives easier the amount of times that people deviate from their labels makes it more complicating than anything else.
There are many labels people may apply to my life but I always feel like I deviate enough from the norm of that label to null and void its use. The only label that seems to fit regardless is feminist.
However, I suppose a list for myself could go something like ... female, daughter, sister, student, smart, Portuguese, niece, cousin, granddaughter, single, college graduate, white, middle-classed, democrat, feminist, social activist, liberal christian, blogger, photographer, artist, writer, ally.
Are you more than the labels assigned to you? What labels have you applied to others? What labels do you use to simplify yourself?
Labels are really amazing if you think about it. Some extremely organized people may meticulously label everything; others of us organizationally challenged may be extremely satisfied just to know where our stuff is. I rather like the pile method. There are different piles and I know what each is and where to find things. I don't need to actually label them as I know what is there. However, when I try to explain to another person, then I will have to simplify that pile into one or a few words. It is helpful to simplify which is why labels are so popular. And yet I extremely dislike them. Labels when applied to people usually are used to identify one aspect of their identity as it relates to part of a subgroup of some sort. You can label your sex, gender, relationship status, education, ethnicity, race, socioeconomic status, political affiliation, religious beliefs, sexual identity and so much more. You could label what kind of music, movies, books or food that you like or prefer.
When I was in the 9th or 10th grade I wrote a journal entry all about labels. I was unaware at the time that it would become such a part of my life; my dislike of labels. We are so much more than our simplifications yet that is how we know people. I very consistently use labels to understand people. I know I put people into categories ... the conservative christian, the socialist atheist, the liberal christian pluralist, or the radical feminist. At the same time labels may make our lives easier the amount of times that people deviate from their labels makes it more complicating than anything else.
There are many labels people may apply to my life but I always feel like I deviate enough from the norm of that label to null and void its use. The only label that seems to fit regardless is feminist.
However, I suppose a list for myself could go something like ... female, daughter, sister, student, smart, Portuguese, niece, cousin, granddaughter, single, college graduate, white, middle-classed, democrat, feminist, social activist, liberal christian, blogger, photographer, artist, writer, ally.
Are you more than the labels assigned to you? What labels have you applied to others? What labels do you use to simplify yourself?
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